I'm Back, Babyyy
Sliding Back into Your Inbox With a New Look
In this issue:
Where I’ve been (spoiler alert: nowhere, unless you consider the depression equivalent of the valley of the shadow of death a metaphysical place?)
Newsletter rebranding and forthcoming website/blog (!!!)
Dogsitting
The mortal terror following the moment you accidentally hit “close all tabs” on your phone
10 Things to Fill You Up
After thinking endlessly about how to “come back” to this newsletter, I ultimately landed on a sort of zen – just come back. Just write something. Anything!
I went on a little hiatus to recover from…everything? I was going through a bout of depression – some of it situational, some of it the ever-present clinical variety. Then the Israel-Palestine conflict flared up in such a troubling, awful way (much of my immediate family lives in Israel), and it felt like it triggered the weight of all the societal ills from the last year like an avalanche descending in slow motion onto my already-submerged-in-metaphorical-snow body.
At that point, I found it wasn’t helping to think about how to narrativize the mind swirl or frame my feelings, but instead to feel them – unframed, unmoored, and untethered to any shoulds or eloquence or respectability. It’s funny, one of the definitions of “unmoored” describes a “lack of attachment to a vessel.” It certainly felt necessary to detach from this one for a bit.
So I took a break from posting on Instagram. I continued going to therapy. I finally sorted out my health insurance so I can see about getting meds (at least when it kicks in on July 1!). I met up with my cousin to chat about Israel-Palestine, because she’s well-versed in the conflict’s history and the feelings that surround it. (She literally has a podcast about it). I’m still a bit down, but overall in a clearer, more balanced headspace.
It’s easy – when we find ourselves on the other side of a tough time – to group our coping mechanisms together like they were part of an intentional overhaul or prescription. In hindsight, it’s tempting to claim that you intentionally made some about-face. Closer to the truth is that sometimes we respond intuitively, making up our self-imposed treatment as we go. Somehow all of those coping skills coalesce and move us through it.
In addition to mental health, burnout has been such a hot topic over the past few months. (Collective trends are wild, aren’t they?) The burnout discourse even trickled into my newsletter feed. I noticed some of the writers I subscribe to shared a similar tone of surrender in the vein of, “this is all I could muster up this week.” So, friends, this is all I could muster up this week!
Well, I can muster a little bit more. Let’s see, in the briefest of life updates, I have the dog this week while my ex is out of town. (You might remember the pup was the subject of the essay in my first newsletter.) What else…oooh, I’m sure you noticed – I launched the new look/branding for this newsletter, let me know what you think! Next up, my website launch. I’m so close.
Oh, another thing that happened a few weeks ago that derailed the newsletter was I accidentally hit “close all tabs” on my phone. The absolute horror! I usually filter through my many open tabs to populate the “10 Things” section. When I told Andrew, I detected a satisfied attitude of, “good, better to start fresh anyway.” I resent digital hoarding shaming! Ha, I feel like the person scrambling to their closet saying “I still wear that!” but for tabs. I genuinely enjoy going back and checking in with the things I’ve deemed worthy of saving. A lot of it was writers’ essays and websites that I like to revisit and fangirl over, so I can fantasize about how to get similar bylines.
Le sigh. TabGate actually ended up affecting my life not at all but it was sort of the last straw in feeling discouraged to write the newsletter. Anyway, I’ve already rebuilt a hefty tower of tabs and I’m back in business, baby!
Sarah Miller’s recent newsletter about her lifelong battle with computers, which made me feel so seen in my shame around not being more tech savvy.
“My absolute worst clash with a computer happened in 2018 on a two and a half hour Amtrak trip between Oakland and Auburn, during which I tried to create a Squarespace website because two podcast hosts said it was easy. I was in tears by the time we pulled into Martinez. I drank the two cans of rosé I’d been planning to give T. as a gift and then had to pee in a parking lot then take a nap in my car until I was sober enough to drive. I cried more while driving. For me, being bad at computers is not just about being bad at computers. It’s about the terror of being cut off from a job, a career, a whole world, because access depends on a button marked “Click to Survive” that is visible to everyone but me.”
While snickering through her essay, I was brought back to my computer anxiety in second grade, when every Wednesday our class would walk over to “the computer lab” first thing in the morning. Shuffling over in that single file line, I was so nervous that I might not remember where the “on” button was! Oh, the humiliation of not knowing the literal first thing about computers! They were those new curvy, skittle-hued Macs, which should’ve imparted a spirit of fun! and interactivity! Instead, I was frozen in fear as I gripped the mouse. I’m not sure why, we had a computer at home!
As the years went on, I chatted on AIM like everyone else and eventually learned to be decent at programs like Photoshop and Lightroom, but I still wish I was some kind of millennial digital savant who could execute any creative project that crossed my mind, an expert at all things Adobe Creative Suite. Or just that I wasn’t so intimidated by the idea of video editing or coding or web design. I’m currently building my website using, what else – Squarespace – and it’s taking longer than I’d like to bumble around and figure it out. But, actually, building that “skill” has actually been pretty fun and I can’t wait to launch it.
“Young Creators Are Burning Out and Breaking Down” by Taylor Lorenz for The New York Times, which made me sad for all the adorable TikTok creators whose job it is to entertain the rest of us.
I’ve complained over the years about my own experience of being a social media manager/strategist for brands. The always-on of it all can be demanding and draining. Managing my own Instagram account as a creator can be stressful too, but I mostly post photos; I can’t imagine having to post video content where you constantly put yourself out there, along with your idea of what’s funny. It’s certainly a first world problem, but I feel for how heavy that might feel.
This darling Doen dress that my hairstylist was wearing when she cut my hair recently. I imagine wearing it would compel me to frolic in a meadow or hold a bounteous basket of bread.
The new season of Master of None called Moments in Love, which I reveled in for its long, quiet, establishing shots of interior objects and domestic life. A 10 second shot of a messy yet stylish nightstand? I eat it up!
Chocolate avocado mousse, which I also eat up. The kind I get is cinnamon-y and local to Sacramento, but here’s a recipe if you want to make it! It’s unreal how good it is.
TikTok content like this about influencer and fashion trends. Internet trends seem to be picking up speed in terms of how quickly certain styles of content gain steam and fall out of favor. It’s crazy, it’s akin to fast fashion out here!
In related news, I’m finally using TikTok more regularly (consuming, not creating) and so far, the algorithm is serving me content about therapy, eclectic outfit how-tos from Gen Z’s thrift crowd, how to relieve your hips of trauma via the psoas muscle, tantalizing food content edited to make recipes appear aesthetic and deceptively simple, and vibey edits of “the perfect day” (usually involves a frothy matcha, a farmers market, and a stylish living room). It also seems to think I live in LA but I’m not mad at that.
Cat Cohen, a comedic treasure, and her latest video about pandemic depression and Instagram envy. No one does adorably unhinged quite like she does.
The new season of Invisibilia, now hosted by Yowei Shaw and Kia Miakka. I especially loved the recent episode, The Great Narrative Escape, about the relatively new genre of Slow TV. Unedited footage of landscapes, trains making hours-long journeys, a five-day boat ride, Slow TV is a hit in Norway.
It’s interesting that the experiment hasn’t caught on here in any mainstream way, but I’ve started to notice that I do in fact appreciate Slow TV in certain ways. A few weeks before I heard this episode, Andrew and I were eating at the bar of our favorite ramen restaurant, and we were transfixed by what was on the TV – b-roll of the bustling streets of Tokyo. The camera (human-held? drone?) snaked through the exterior of a museum, passed people as they texted on their commutes, and captured a cavernous food-court beneath the buzz of the city.
Also somewhat in the spirit of Slow TV is Karen Brit Chick’s YouTube series, “What Everyone is Wearing in New York.” Rather than merely appreciating the removed coolness you get from a street fashion photo, the video format allows for conversation with the person wearing the clothes, a refreshing approachability that’s no doubt due to Karen’s enthusiastic personality. She always asks her subjects where they got their clothes and how they go about building outfits, making it accessible and easy for nerds like me to take mental notes!
There are also lots of in-between shots of New York life – people sunning themselves at parks and traipsing to the grocery store. Soothing and creatively stimulating at the same time.
Mare of Easttown on HBO. We must bow down to Kate Winslet for her acting (and Philly accent) in this whodunnit-drama. We simply must.
My new brand identity for The Vessel! I worked with the incredible ladies of Wool Design Co., and I absolutely love how it turned out. If you’re curious about their multidisciplinary work, check out their ultra aesthetic Instagram, or read the story I wrote about them a couple years ago.
Extra Extra Thing: My upcoming home decor profile in The Fold Magazine, for their series, “Single Women and Their Spaces.” It will be a look into my studio apartment with an accompanying Q&A, and should come out over the next couple days.
Thanks for reading!
Vanesssssssssa! I am glad you are back witht the Vessel! you write about "clash with a computer" and yet you used the coputer to create such a rich, interesting, versetile post! Love you and your writing. Rivka